By: Joseph VanBuren
Rating: 2/11
Rating if it was 1987: 10/11 

Everybody squeeze into your skin-tight acid washed jeans, tease up your hair as high as physically possible, strap on your studded bracelets, and hop into the Trans-Am. We’re about to get totally wasted and crash this mondo party on the Sunset Strip. That’s right dudes and dudettes, it’s time to Rock Hard or Die, and Joe Steel is providing the soundtrack. With the killer licks and shredding solos on this EP, there’s no better music to thrash to while chugging a sixer. The lyrics of the title track sum it up best: “Rock is our living, and living is fun/ If you’re not with us, then you better run, mother fucker.” These guys prove that you can be poetic to the max and badass at the same time. “California’s Burning” has a most bodacious chorus: “Burning to the ground/ Can’t you hear the sound?/ Rockers on the loose/ The sound of flaming youth.” Joe Steel totally speaks to the hearts of the misunderstood youth of the Reagan Generation. Sure, the other two songs on this EP are about strippers and hookers, but the innuendos are cleverly hidden in lyrics like “I play finger games/ I’ve got tongue tricks too.” Rock Hard or Die is not just an EP; it’s a motto, a way of life. Learn it, live it, love it. Totally.